I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
