his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
