i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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