For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
