The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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