The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
