dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
