Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
