his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
