She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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