you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
