The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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