i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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