You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
