How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
