he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Randomize
