this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
COCAINE IS GR8
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
