True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
