So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My balls are so social today.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
