I can tuck mytits in my pants
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
