Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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