btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
