The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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