i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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