My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
