he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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