my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
