my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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