new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
