This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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