I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
