You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
