she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What happened to fro yo and sex?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
