I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
