if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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