Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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