Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
