New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
