I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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