i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
