were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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