You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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