i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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