Will you blow on my dice?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
