I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
