Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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