So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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