Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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