Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
