apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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