she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
