i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
