The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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