Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish i was in the wii world.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
