Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Who died my cat blue again?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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