there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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