So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
