We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
